I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just forgot I was standing up.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
