omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
