Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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