you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
