Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have fence marks all over my body
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
