I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
