my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize