my shit smells like andre
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
