Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
