We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
