I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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