Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
