How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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