1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
