I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Alive.
So much puke
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
