Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
