I'm lost and stupid without you.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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