You work out of a Hotel?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You can't motorboat a personality
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
