is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
