Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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