At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
