i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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