She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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