I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
