I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
