when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize