If that was your dad, he is hot
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
