Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
