i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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