And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
