i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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