She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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