I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
