My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
