i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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