i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
