It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
