i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
