Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
