i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
