oh god the rape fog is back!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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