So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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