we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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