I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
