it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
PANTIES FOUND
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