drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
