you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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