Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
