She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize