i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
