sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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