So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
