You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Someone came in the potted fern
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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