I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
