Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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