yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize