Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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