She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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