Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
