I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
