it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
