Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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