i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Randomize
