I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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