Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
