I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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