Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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