i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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