He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
