"it" just moved
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
