i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
